Monday, January 02, 2006

The rest is still unwritten....

Today is the first day of a new I feel like I should post something.

New Years is one of those things that I strongly dislike and yet love all at the same time. It’s just one of those things that really makes you stop and think about a lot of things, sort of makes you contemplate your life...

The past few years, as new years arrives, I have thought about the year that is ending - what I had hoped it would be, and what it was; what I had hoped to accomplish, and what I actually did accomplish; who I was, who I am, who I am becoming...
I think about all of the things that happened, all of the surprises, all of the people I have met, all of the ups and downs, and a lot of memories...those ones you pray you will never forget.

And I think a lot about the year that is coming.


At the end of the year, when I look back, my initial response is to feel that I never measure up. I always fall short. And the list I make in my head sometimes gets very, very long. And I don’t just mean of things I did or didn’t do or accomplish, but things in myself, who I am. It’s like I take an inventory of everything and compare it against some ridiculous set of often meaningless standards, only to end up with some arbitrary abstract “value” I feel somehow determines my worth as a person. I usually conclude my self-berating thoughts whishing I was very different. It’s all very silly, I realize. But I find myself doing it each year. That is one of the reasons why I dislike New Years. The other main reason is that sometimes it scares me, how fast life seems to be moving at times. And the future is often intimidating, for lack of a better word. I guess I tend to be afraid of the unknown. Well really, I tend to be afraid of a lot of things. But life in general is a big one some days.

On the other hand, what I love about New Years is that it makes me excited too. The very name “NEW Years” helps me to remember things I need to remind of myself of more often. Each day is new. Each day is brand new! Another start. And each moment of that day is a new moment to live. There are so many adventures to be had, and people to meet, and things to learn. So many unexpected turns in the road ahead. And I remember that I don’t need to be afraid of the unknown. I remember God, and how He will be the same today, and tomorrow, and the next day...and that He has good plans for my life, and that His love is unending, and unchanging, and there is nothing in the universe that can change that. I seem to forget that sometimes... actually, a lot of times.

And so...I can confidently say that I am not the person I want to be...not really even close. But it’s ok. I’m not finished yet. I am a work in progress, and have a feeling I will be until the day that I die. But that’s ok too. I kind of think that’s how it should be...

“Today is where your book begins. The rest is still unwritten.”
– Natasha Bedingfield

May this year truly be a happy new year for all of you.


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