Packing makes me feel sad.

I moved back home for the summer.

It’s strange, but even if I am looking forward to leaving the place I am at, packing still makes me feel sad. Maybe it is the realization (or fear) that some things will never be the same again, that all of the moments in that place are gone forever, that certain things are ending, that I must keep moving forward. (I know, I am so melodramatic). And I mean, I know that where I was at (in reference to location, as well as life in general) is not where I want to be forever. But even so, this time around, a large part of me didn’t actually want to leave.

I cried when I was taking the posters off my wall. Somehow things like endings and goodbyes seem to reverberate off the bare surfaces. I will miss my cute, little, yellow room. It was my home for the year. My safe space. A constant. And the place to which my mind tied many good memories.

Today, I wandered around all day feeling kinda lost, not really knowing what was wrong, but feeling that knot in the pit of my stomach nonetheless. The knot you feel when something you can’t quite pin point is off. I suppose it is because everything is different – my room, the house, my routine, my “schedule” of life, the things I look forward to, the people that I see. I feel out of place, and am missing certain people already.

I know I’ll start to settle in in a couple days, but change is hard. It requires an incredible amount of energy. It always has. I guess this time, because I am sick and still running on empty after having struggled through the past couple of crazy weeks, I have none to spare, and so adaptation is coming notably slower than normal.

Tomorrow I start working at the nursing home.

Why do girls giggle?

Ha. Good question! :)

Hmm...but somehow I don’t think the answer will be well liked because, at least personally speaking, there are a lot of reasons.

I giggle when I’m...

1) happy
2) excited
3) embarrassed
4) feeling silly
5) when I think something is funny
6) when I want to convey to someone that I am completely content to be spending time with them
7) if I’m feeling nervous or uncomfortable
8) or just generally have no idea how to respond
9) OR... any combination of the above :)

Yeah, I know, some days/weeks that pretty much = all the time haha...just in case you hadn’t noticed already :P

:)

Done and done!

me = officially 1/2 nurse Angela :P

Why?

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let myself get so stressed out and frazzled over school? Why do I deprive myself of sleep in order to study more, to the point of getting sick? Why do I put so much effort into this? Why does it matter so much to me if I get a 65% or a 95%? In all honesty, is it really THAT important? No!!!

Sigh. I wonder how different my life would be if I put the same amount of time and effort and weight on other things, things that truly carry a much greater importance.

I like the truth of this quotation.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” – Plato

Victory

“Love crucified, arose
And the grave became a place of hope
For the heart that sin and sorrow broke
Is beating once again”
- Love Crucified Arose, by Michael Card

It would be easy to despair, when you look at this world. So much hate. So much war. So much death. So much sickness. So much hunger.…So much needless pain and suffering. But to know that the most undeserved death, the most innocent suffering, was overcome… I donno, but I think sometimes we forget that Jesus is alive. I mean we remember he lived, and died on a cross, but I think sometimes we forget that HE IS ALIVE. Today.
At least I do.

Sometimes, when I actually stop and think about it, when I let my mind erase the pretty, Mona Lisa Jesus and paint a new portrait, a portrait of a Jesus with dust on his feet and sweat on his brow, a Jesus who climbs to the top of a great hill, heart thumping, breathing heavily, a Jesus whose hands are calloused and strong, a Jesus who gets hungry and thirsty, a Jesus whose beard catches the crumbs from his dinner, a Jesus who sleeps, a Jesus who feels emotions deep within his chest, a Jesus with laugh lines in the corners of his eyes... a REAL Jesus. When I try to imagine this Jesus...it hits me hard...

“Amazing love, how can it be? That you my king would die for me...”