Saturday, January 28, 2006 a strange way I guess I did sorta get a kick in the pants :)

And as uncomfortable as that was...This has been a really GOOD week. Not good as in fun, or even remotely enjoyable :P Quite a few pretty crappy things happened actually. But it has been a good week. And I am happy for that.

How and why I start down such wrong roads I don’t think I will ever know. Nor why it is so hard to simply stop and turn back.

I scare myself. I take a few steps forward, and then start back in the opposite direction...and I don’t just mean one or two steps back, I mean full out RUNNING, as fast as I can, in the WRONG direction! And then suddenly, I find myself trying desperately to hide from God...even though I KNOW it is completely and entirely impossible. So why do I try? Why would I even WANT to try? Why do I feel that I need to fix my life before I can have any kind of relationship with God? Why do I not accept His invitation to come as I am? Why do I not believe deep down inside of me the things He says to us, to me, in the bible? Why do I run away when I know that everything good, everything worth living and dying for, is found only in one place? What am I so afraid of?

Anyhow, this week, I seem to have painfully but thankfully been tripped in my retreat...and as I picked myself up off the floor I paused long enough to take a good look around. From where I stand today, it's a long road back...but I think, at least, I'm now facing in the right direction.

And you know what? :) You know what one of the great things about God is, about His truth is? ...It does not change :) Ever!
It is not affected by time, by place, by circumstance, by thoughts or opinions, by emotion, by action, by you, by belief or unbelief. It does not cease to exist when one ceases to seek it. It does not cease to be real when one can no longer see it. And God does not stop calling our name even when we forget the sound of His voice...or when we run so far away that we can no longer hear Him whispering.


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