Thursday, February 16, 2006

I need Gravol

Although somewhat of a cliché, there is good reason for often comparing life to a rollercoaster. I love rollercoasters. The kind at Canada’s Wonderland. I think they are extremely cool. But life???

The past couple of weeks, I feel like every time that I... I don’t know...that I decide something, or resolve to do something (or not to do something), or come to some conclusion, E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G seems to pull me in the opposite direction. Either the resulting action or the very decision itself is thwarted, hindered, obstructed. It’s like by deciding, or merely TRYING to decide something right, something good, to decide to believe something in my heart, I somehow cause “resistance”. Like quicksand, the kind that swallows you up faster if you try and move, every time I attempt to take a step forward, I am dragged back. And the harder I try, the more I fight, the more I kick and struggle, the stronger the grip that chains me to the place I long to leave.

And so I continue – up and down, over and over. I'm so freaken frustrated!...and so exhausted.

I feel motion sick.

I need Gravol.

1 Comments:

At Saturday, February 18, 2006 11:30:00 PM, Anonymous Esperanza! said...

But what would life be if there wasn't difficult struggle my dear? Do you think it would be any better, any more enjoyable if you didn't have to fight and cry and fail? I don't think so. I think it makes us better people, more grounded people. We would be more spoiled than a Trump if we didn't get beaten down at every decision. It sounds horribly pesimistic, but really I try not to look at it that way at all. YOU CAN DO IT!! (hug)

 

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