Home

What do you think of when you hear the word home? What is the very first place that comes to your mind?

I’ve been thinking lately, about what home means. Wondering what makes home home, if that makes sense. Wondering if home is where you were born, or where you grew up, or where you lived the longest, or wherever your family is living, or wherever you are living now. Is home “where your heart is”?

By the definition of most, I am home at the moment, back with my family for the summer. Yet I feel homesick. I have this constant ache to just “go home”. I feel more homesick now that I’m home then I did when I was away. It’s weird. And so I can’t even tell you WHERE it is that I want to go home to.

Sigh.

Maybe home is more of a feeling than a place. A feeling I’ve been missing for a long time...

Or maybe it is a place...
Last summer, I was having a conversation about a little of this with a friend who’s alcoholic father is abusive and who’s family life is rough to say the least. I asked him what he thinks of when he thinks of home. Without a pause, he said “heaven”. I just stared at him. He smiled at me and repeated his answer...”I think of heaven”.

....

“Remind us that we have not reached home. Lord, remind us that we have not reached home....”
- Downhere

:(

We are taking our dog to the vet tomorrow. She is very old, and sick, and has lain in one spot for pretty much 3 days without moving... :S

Frustrated with shallow

Last weekend was good. I had a couple of much needed days off work, so I took a mini-vacation and went to hang out with some people I really like. Went swimming, laughed, relaxed some, sat around a campfire, looked at the stars…and took a bit of time just to BE, and to think.

I’m frustrated with my inability to magically manipulate time, my inability to add more hours to the day, or just not sleep. Silly, I know. I guess the thing that is actually bothering me is that I’ve been feeling really superficial lately. So shallow. Selfish.

That’s probably what I hate most about being so busy for an extended period of time…no time/energy to think about anything beyond the extremely superficial, no time/energy to sort through crap in my head...and in my heart, no time/energy for people, for God, for relationships...for things that matter A LOT.